


Fuck Kale, Anyway

by wannaliveindeansdimples



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Initial Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Lovers to enemies to lovers, M/M, Second Chances, and then they don't speak for years, but then they meet up again and still feel the feels" fic, excessive use of kale, graphic depictions of kale-directed violence, just your typical "dean and cas used to be in love but they both did something stupid, kale-ophobic language, reunion love story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 02:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16109087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannaliveindeansdimples/pseuds/wannaliveindeansdimples
Summary: Lisa sends Dean out for a single bunch of kale. Nothing goes as planned.Cas was dumb as hell when he was young. Maybe all this kale he's been eating has made him smarter.OR: The one in which Dean and Cas reunite in the grocery store, 8 years after their stormy breakup.





	Fuck Kale, Anyway

**Author's Note:**

> There's a reason why this fic happened. Tell you why at the end ;)

_Wednesday Afternoon_

“Fuck kale!” Dean shouted, tossing his keys onto the counter and flinging the grocery bags onto the floor.

Too late he remembered the eggs, but there was nothing to be done about it. All he wanted was to jump up and down on kale to vent his rage, so he yanked one bagged bunch of it out of the sack and threw it down in front of his feet.

“Fuck—fucking— _kale_!” he yelled, punctuating his remarks with stomps of his boot onto the produce bag. “Fuck kale! With its— _stupid—_ blue eyes and its— _stupid_ —sex hair and its— _stupid_ —kissable mouth and—GRRRRRRR!!!” Each “stupid” was paired with a new stomp, but the growl was only accompanied by clenched fists and tightened shoulders.

And okay, so maybe it wasn’t a vegetable he was mad at. Maybe what he was really mad at was fate. Or Lisa. Or fucking Castiel Goddamn Novak... Then again, he considered, looking down at the green slime he’d created, maybe he really was mad about the fucking kale too.

 

_3 days ago_

“Hey, Dean?” Lisa called from the hallway before appearing in the kitchen doorway. Her hair was wet and she was drying it with a towel. “When are you getting the food for the party this weekend?”

Dean looked up from assembling ingredients for the burger patties he was putting together for dinner. “Oh, uh, I was thinking Wednesday. Don’t wanna get it too early and have anything go bad, but that gives me time to make everything. Why?”

“Well, Donna mentioned that soup from Olive Garden and I was thinking maybe I could make some as kind of a starter course?”

“It’s still chilly enough out for soup,” Dean said, shrugging. “What kind of soup is it?”

“You know that Tuscan one? With the sausage? You like it with the breadsticks.”

“Oh yeah! That’s good stuff. Well, except for that green shit, but... you can make that?”

“’That green shit’ is part of what I need you to get at the grocery store.”

Dean dropped his voice to a sultry purr, attempting to pull her toward him by her robe ties. “What’s in it for me, hot stuff?”

With a deadpan expression to rival Sam’s and a voice devoid of inflection, Lisa said, “You get to eat soup.” She swatted at his hands in annoyance. “Stop stretching the belt. Can you pick up the stuff or not?”

“Make me a list.” he said, shoving down his disappointment and turning back to his burgers to put the conversation—and latest rejection—out of his mind.

 

_Wednesday Morning_

Dean had been wandering around the grocery store for a while now. He was almost done with his list, except for a few things he needed in the produce section. He’d spent more than he’d intended, but he had gotten some good stuff he was excited about.

Without paying too much attention, he grabbed some celery for Bloody Marys, along with enough limes to make pitcher of margaritas. The mint looked decent, so he got some, just in case. Looking at the price, he decided he had to remember to try and talk Lisa into an herb garden again.

He grabbed the biggest sweet onion he could find, then a second one almost the same size. Next he picked up the rest of the ingredients for guacamole. He realized he needed cilantro and headed back for the outer edges, checking his list for other items he still needed from this section. Only one more item remained.

_Kale_

Lisa had scrawled it in her looping hand and felt the need to capitalize it too. Dean shook his head, eager to grab it and go. He was marking it off at the same time as he reached for a bunch of the dark green leaves, so he reached out blindly. Instead of cool damp leaves, what he felt were warm solid fingers.

Dean jerked his head up and almost instantly wished he hadn’t.

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas said in surprise, growling it out in that too-deep voice of his.

Then he smiled and Dean felt like the floor of the grocery store shifted under him.

“Oh, wow, hey, Cas. Uh, long time no see, huh? How, uh, how long has it been, you think?”

Dean knew exactly how long it had been, almost to the day. Damned if he was going to give Cas the satisfaction of knowing that, though.

“I believe it has been just shy of eight years, Dean.” Cas’s eyes looked... sad? That couldn’t be right, could it? “It is very good to see you.”

“Uh, yeah. You, um, too. You look good.” Immediately regretting the words when he found his eyes lingering on Cas’s full mouth, Dean floundered for a way out of the situation. “Well, hey, uh, I gotta get going. I’ve gotta get all this stuff back so I can start cooking. My, uh....” Dean cleared his throat awkwardly. “My girlfriend and I are having a party Friday.” Even as he said the words, he knew he was going to follow them up with a sentence he was going to regret. “Hey, you should come. We can catch up.”

Cas looked upset for sure this time. “Oh, I don’t—that is, I have plans. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, yeah, sure, no problem, makes total sense. I was just being polite, you know, since we haven’t, um, but I gotta go, like I said, so—”

Dean started to turn away, but was stopped when Cas called his name.

“Yeah?”

“Did you not need kale?”

 _Fuck_. “Oh. Right, haha, kinda forgot, so much to do, you know? Girlfriend loves her kale! Can’t get enough of the stuff. Wouldn’t do to forget it! Really helps our sex life, if you know what I mean!” Dean knew his face probably looked like the Joker’s what with the fake ass smile he was forcing onto it. He wasn’t even sure what he was saying, as he grabbed bunch after bunch of kale and shoved them into bags. “See ya around, man!”

It was only as he was checking out that he realized he’d grabbed ten clumps of fucking kale instead of the one bunch Lisa had specified. The cashier gave him a bemused smile as he scanned and bagged them, but Dean didn’t bother explaining himself. He just gave his Joker smile and wished the floor would swallow him up.

“Dean?” Cas called out from the next lane over just as Dean was about to escape.

He kept his Joker smile on as he turned toward Cas. “Yeah?”

“I think you dropped your phone.” Cas pointed behind Dean at the floor.

“Oh,” Dean said, suddenly losing the Joker smile and feeling utterly defeated. “Yeah, looks like. Thanks.”

Dean scooted his cart out of the way a bit and bent down to retrieve his phone. To his surprise, when he stood back up, Cas was there waiting. Dean wanted to flee, but instead, he raised his eyebrows with what he hoped was a polite-looking and not pathetic-looking smile.

“I don’t really believe in signs anymore, but... could we maybe exchange numbers? I’d like it if we could be friends.”

He wasn’t sure exactly what he said, but they did indeed exchange numbers and then he took his cart and finally left the store. By the time he got to the car, he was shaking. It had only been Cas, but it might as well have been a ghost he’d seen. Hell, he would have been less afraid of a ghost.

Dean had a life. He had a house and a spouse—practically, anyway—and a kid—sorta—and the whole nine. Apple pie life, picket fences, etc, etc. He was happy. He loved Lisa. And Ben. He loved his life.

Or at least he’d believed he had until he’d had to find fucking _kale_ and ended up staring into blue eyes he’d resigned himself to never seeing again instead. In that single moment, his whole life had been fucked. Because he realized in an instant that he might love Lisa deeply, but he was not in love with her. He might like his house and his yard and love Ben like he was his own, but... none of it meant anything when held up against the maelstrom of emotion that swirled inside him when he was suddenly standing next to Cas again.

All he’d wanted to do was grab the man and kiss him until neither of them could see straight. Despite his taken status, despite the hurtful things Cas had said when they’d parted, a small part of Dean regretted not having grabbed those broad shoulders and kissed that lush mouth. It ate at him all the way home.

 

_Wednesday Evening_

By the time Lisa got home the mess had been cleaned up, but Dean had not ended his kale-destruction with a single squashed bunch. He’d made his way through seven of the ten bunches. When he’d surveyed the damage, and realized he had to hide all the evidence—lest Lisa ask why—he’d never been more grateful for his garbage disposal.

“Hey, babe,” Lisa said when she walked in to find him cooking. “You get all the food okay?”

“Yep, yep, yep. Got that kale you needed. But not too much! Just enough,” he said with grin that made his face feel weird.

“Uh. Okay. Cool then.”

From the way Lisa looked at him, he knew he was acting weird, but she didn’t ask, so he didn’t offer any explanation before she left the room. Instead, he just kept right on cooking in silence. In his head he was still freaking out, but also simultaneously plotting how to get Sam alone at the party so he could discuss his emotional crisis. He had no idea what to do and he was pretty sure Sam would.

At least he hoped so. He could always ask Charlie, but Charlie had never been a fan of Lisa’s so he knew what she’d say. On the other hand, Cas wasn’t coming to the party, so that was a small blessing. Dean had no idea what he would have done if Cas had said yes. He knew that he should tell Lisa he’d run into Cas—he’d always tried to be a relatively honest partner, especially when it came to exes—but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was pretty sure he was still too raw and that if he said something, everything he’d felt in that moment would show on his face. Until he decided what to do about his very inconvenient emotions, it was better to keep the meeting to himself. No reason to hurt Lisa unnecessarily.

His mind flashed suddenly on blue eyes and Dean felt a burning pain in his chest. God, Cas had looked good. He’s smelled good too and that wasn’t fair. Not that anything about this situation seemed to be fair. Dean groaned and went back to cooking. He needed to talk to Sam and soon.

_Friday Afternoon_

Dean spotted Ben in the hallway about to leave with his friends. “Don’t forget to call if you’re gonna be later than eleven.”

“Dude, you’re not my dad, quit making it weird,” Ben said.

The words stung and Dean had to remind himself Ben was a kid—testing limits and showing off—and bite back the angry retort that popped into his head. Instead, he went another route, pulling Ben slightly aside before quietly and calmly stating, “No, I’m not your dad, but your _mom_ made the curfew rules. And I am an adult with the authority to keep you home tonight, if I felt like being a hard ass.Luckily for you, I don’t. _Yet_.”

Ben didn’t have a follow up retort, only looked up at Dean looking that weird teenage mix of sullen and sheepish.

Taking pity on him, Dean turned to the other boys. “What time are all your curfews?”

A brief chorus of times were shyly mumbled, the earliest being eleven and the latest being midnight.

“All right, everybody be back here by ten-thirty and I’ll drive you all home.”

“In the Impala?” Ben asked, perking up.

“No, in the sensible Volvo I bought this morning.” Dean gave him a flat look. “Of _course_ in the Impala.”

“Awesome.” Ben’s face had lost all sullenness now.

“All right, get out of here.” He grabbed Ben’s shoulder before he could move. “We good?”

“Yep. See you at ten-thirty!” Ben called, running toward the front door with his friends trailing behind.

“You should have been a hard ass,” Lisa said from behind him.

Dean started, completely unaware she had been there. “Damn, Lisa. Warn a guy. He was just testing me. I didn’t feel like hard ass was the way to go.”

“Yeah, well, next time I come down harder on him, I’m going to look like the bad guy.”

“Lisa,” Dean said, sighing. “You’re his mom. You’re allowed to be a hard ass. I’m just the guy who lives with his mom. My authority ain’t that strong. He’d just buck me and get pissed at you—”

“And what about next time I have to come down on him? He’s gonna think about how ‘ _Dean_ didn’t act all hard. Dean’s _cool_. Why can’t Mom be cool like Dean?’” Her voice got more bitter with each statement.

Dean stared at her calmly for a moment. “Why are you picking a fight with me an hour before our party?” He leaned back against the wall and ran a hand through his hair. “ I did what felt right in the moment. I tried to enforce the rules and remind him of who was in charge without alienating him or embarrassing him too much. You’ve had fifteen years to be a parent, I’ve been at it for about six months.”

Lisa shook her head, shoulders sagging. “You’re right. I’m not used to him acting out and I guess it scares me sometimes when you handle it better than me. Why is he pushing back? He’s always been such a good kid. I mean, I know how it is being a teenager, but... I just thought Ben and I had the kind of relationship where he wouldn’t _need_ to push back.”

“Lisa, Ben is a great kid because you raised him right. This teenage rebellion thing is temporary and for now you should be glad I’m the scapegoat getting the brunt of it.” He pulled her in for a hug. “Now, come on. Don’t sweat this. We have a party to finish getting ready for!” This last he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

As he laid out foods in decorative dishes and set out paper dinnerware, he felt like a fraud. He really did love Ben and liked being a parent, even if it was just a “sort of” situation. And he loved Lisa... but he knew “sort of” didn’t fly at all in _that_ situation. And despite how much he loved her and how easily they worked as a couple, he knew now that what he felt was not romantic love. He wasn’t in love with her. Hell, he was pretty sure she wasn’t in love with him either.

He really needed Sam to show up and soon.

An hour and a half later, Sam was just about the only person who had _not_ arrived and Dean needed to see him worse than ever. Garth and Bess had been first, followed by Benny and Andy. Lisa’s friends from work had been next. Charlie and Gilda finally made their appearance. Then Bobby and Jody had shown up with Cas’s dad Chuck, and Dean felt like he’d swallowed lava. He was on the verge of calling his brother when he and Sarah finally showed up.

Dean tried to be as polite and discreet as he could, stealing Sam away at the earliest possible moment. They stood off to the side of the backyard and Dean looked around at everyone else while he struggled to find his words. Lisa’s friends were taking turns seeing who could make Bobby blush by flirting with him—which Jody was watching with amusement. Garth had Chuck cornered and was giving an impromptu puppet show while Chuck just looked vaguely nauseated.

“Okay, I know it takes you a while to get your thoughts together, so I’ve tried to give you a minute, but it’s been two full minutes and you haven’t said anything, so... maybe speak?” Sam said, sounding more amused than annoyed. He dropped his voice a little. “What’s Chuck doing here though? That’s weird for you, I bet.”

“No clue. Bobby and Jody brought him. I didn’t even know they knew him, and yes, it is weird as hell.” Dean nodded to where a small blonde was obviously flirting with Chuck now. “Hey, but bright side, looks like that chick from Lisa’s office finally has a new target for her crazy. Looks like you might be off the hook.”

“Oh, God, why is Becky even here?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. Um, so I ran into Cas,” Dean blurted.

Sam’s head whirled toward him. “Oh, shit. When?”

“Like two days ago. At the grocery store. We, um, exchanged numbers. We haven’t texted or anything though.”

“Okay,” Sam said slowly, obviously knowing there was more to the story.

Dean sighed and took a long draw off his beer. “Sam, I just... as soon as I saw him... I don’t think I’m in love with Lisa,” he whispered.

“Oh, fuck. Dean, that’s... wow. I mean, I kinda wondered, but—”

“Wait, what?”

“Well, yeah, I mean, look. I love Lisa. I think she’s great and Ben’s great and they’ve been good for you in a lot of ways, but... it’s not like you two are ever all gooey-eyed at each other. Not even at the beginning. You barely touch each other—and you’re a touchy-feely dude, Dean. I’m saying I noticed early on that it wasn’t a passionate romance, that’s all.”

Dean was stunned. Apparently it had been obvious to his brother. Did everyone else see it too?

“I didn’t know. I mean, things were... easy. We get along. Even when we fight it resolves pretty quick. The sex isn’t bad, when it happens. And Ben is great... I guess I thought that was enough.”

“And seeing Cas made you realize it isn’t?” Sam asked, cutting through to the heart of him easily.

Dean nodded, not trusting his voice.  
“Look, Dean. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but—”

“No, _please_ tell me. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. Tell me what I should do, man. I’m lost.”

“I think you already know what to do. You probably just don’t want to because you know it’s gonna be hard to do. People are going to get hurt.”

Dean stared out at the sea of faces, easily finding Lisa, who was laughing at someone’s joke. He knew he should be looking at her with love in his heart, happy to see her so happy. Instead, he was struck by how rarely he had ever seen her laugh when they were alone. He couldn’t remember the last time he made her laugh for real and that more than anything drove the point home. They weren’t in love.

“Fuck.” Dean finished the rest of his beer. “I might have to crash at your place for a few days after I talk to her. That gonna be okay?”

“Dude, don’t be stupid. That’s what I have a guest suite for.”

“Fancy ass lawyer.”

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll see how fancy you are when you sell your hybrid engine design for a zillion dollars.”

Dean grinned. “So fancy. The fanciest.” He sobered. “Thanks, man.” He nodded to where Sarah was waving. “I think your woman wants you.”

“Call her that to her face, I dare you,” Sam joked.

“No, thanks,” Dean said with a laugh.

He watched Sam walk away, lost in thoughts about how to talk to Lisa—and Ben—and didn’t notice someone walking up on his other side.

“Hello, Dean.”

The voice was unlike his son’s, but the eyes were similar. Though Cas’s eyes were a deeper, more complex blue, Chuck’s eyes had a piercing intensity that held Dean in place.

“Hey, Chuck. How’s it going? Didn’t expect to see you today, but you look great.” Dean had genuinely liked Chuck, even if he hadn’t always been there for Cas when he was younger, but right now Dean felt like he was just throwing words at Cas’s dad to avoid asking about Cas.

“Thank you. I’m doing... okay. How are you? Lisa seems nice.” The eye contact was unwavering, bordering on uncomfortable, until someone laughed loudly across the yard and Chuck looked that direction.

“Yeah, Lisa is great.” Dean was at a total loss for words now. All he wanted to know was why Cas was in town and how long he was back for and any other details about Cas’s life that a father might possess. Instead, he said nothing.

“Thanks for having me over. I know Bobby and Jody kind of sprung it on you. I’ve been having a rough time recently and they wanted me to get out and have some fun.” He sipped from the glass in his hand, staring down at the ground. “Cas is back in town,” he blurted without warning.

“Uh. Yeah. I know. Bumped into him a couple days ago. How’s he doing?”

Chuck’s lips lifted in a faint half-smile. “Seems like something you could’ve asked him when you bumped into him, but he’s fine.”

“I—yeah. I mean, I did, sort of, but... you know. It was awkward.” Dean finally felt comfortable enough to smile. “Kinda like this.”

Chuck actually laughed at that. “Fair point. Maybe it would be easier if we both just spoke honestly?”

“That might be good, yeah.” Dean wasn’t sure he was ready to speak honestly about Cas, but he supposed he needed to.

“All right, well, first of all, the reason I am here: My sister came back into my life about six months ago and upended my life. It’s why Bobby and Jody brought me here today—and also why Cas came back to town, actually. She is, as you may or may not know, mentally ill. The official diagnosis varies, but she is disconnected from reality most of the time and has a persecution complex. She refuses to take her medication and she makes everyone’s life a living hell. She’s in a hospital now, thankfully, but it was a rough time. Rough enough that Cas broke his self-imposed exile.”

Dean frowned. “Self-imposed exile? What the hell does that mean?”

“Dean, he felt horrendous about the things he said to you. I doubt it even took until he’d finished speaking for the guilt and remorse to sink in. He was always too ashamed to come back after that. I’ve traveled to visit him every year since.”

Dean stood there, stunned. He had so many questions, but he couldn’t form a single one.

“Heads up. It looks like Lisa is headed this way and I assume you’d rather not discuss you and Cas in front of her.”

“No, definitely not. Can we talk later though?” Dean felt like an ass because he hadn’t responded to the sister stuff yet.

“Sure. I’d like that.”

“And hey, uh, sorry about your sister and all that. I do remember about her. I know she was... intense.”

Chuck smiled softly and clapped Dean on the shoulder. He gave Lisa a little wave before heading back toward where he’d been standing before. Becky was nowhere to be seen. Dean couldn’t help but wonder if Chuck was disappointed or relieved.

“There you are,” Lisa said, smiling. “Who was that? Have I met him?”

“Uh, that’s Chuck. He came with Bobby and Jody. I doubt you’ve met him. He’s, um....” Dean stared at her for a second, weighing the pros and cons of the truth. Thinking back on what Sam had said—as well as Chuck—Dean said, “He’s my ex’s dad.”

Lisa looked surprised but not upset. She’d never been a very possessive person. “Oh, okay. Which one?”

“Uh, my boyfriend. Cas.”

Lisa laughed at that. “You know, I had such a hard time believing you were bi at the beginning. I mean, you like boobs _so much_.”

“Yeah, well,” Dean said, smiling a little. “I love pie too. Doesn’t mean I don’t also like cake.”

“Ha, I suppose. Speaking of, that’s why I came over. Should we start putting out the desserts? I think everyone is pretty much done eating now.”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. Let’s do that.” He’d planned to bring up running into Cas, but he jumped on the chance not to.

Dean felt like an ass, continuing to act like nothing was wrong, but then again he didn’t want to ruin the party Lisa had been looking forward to for weeks. He really did want her to be happy and this was at least something he could give her before he broke things off. He hoped it wouldn’t make things worse in the long run, but he couldn’t worry about that right now.

When the desserts had been set out, he went back inside to wash his hands. Standing alone in the kitchen, he made a quick decision and pulled out his phone. Before he could think better of it, he shot off a text to Cas. He had his phone on silent, so he wouldn’t know if Cas texted back and he promised himself he wouldn’t check until the party was over.

_Friday Night_

“Thanks for taking all the kids home,” Lisa said when Dean walked into the bedroom on the way to take a shower.

“Thank you for cleaning up after the party. Can’t believe it’s the same kitchen I left an hour ago.”

“Eh, you never do it right anyway,” Lisa teased.

“Gee, thanks. I’m gonna go get cleaned up.”

“Dean,” she said when he’d only gone a few feet. “Are you all right? You’ve been... off... the past few days.”

Dean sighed. “Let me take a shower, okay? I’m grubby from today. Then we’ll talk.”

She nodded, looking worried. He had bought himself fifteen to twenty minutes, in order to figure out what he was going to say. He hated to have the talk tonight, after the party, but since she’d brought it up, it would definitely be worse if he lied and reassured her now and tried to have the conversation later. He didn’t hurry through his shower, but he didn’t linger either. There was no avoiding the conversation and now that he’d decided, he just wanted to get it over with.

Because of Ben they kept their sleep clothes in the bathroom, so they could put them on straight out of the shower. He was grateful for that now, since the last thing he wanted was to have to walk into the bedroom naked and start the conversation after he’d found clothes. He pulled on a pair of shorts and a tank, then brushed his teeth quickly.

He dried his mouth and took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. He wondered if she’d kick him out after this. He really didn’t know what would happen. With one more slow, deep breath, he opened the door.

Dean wasn’t sure if he was more relieved or disappointed to find Lisa had fallen asleep. It was a weird mix of both, since he’d psyched himself up for The Talk. Either way, he wasn’t sleepy now. He grabbed his phone and went into the living room.

He turned on his phone to find he had nearly a dozen messages. Realizing he’d forgotten to turn his volume back on, he did that first, then started sifting through the influx of “Thanks for the party!” messages. Sam’s also mentioned his situation and wished him luck. After that, there was only one left and Dean’s heart started to pound when he saw that it was from Cas. With a shaking finger, he pressed the screen to bring it up. His own message was there too and he reread that first, just to stall for another second.

_Dean: Hey, too bad you couldn’t make it tonight, but your dad is here? It was good to see you btw_

_Cas: Yes he mentioned he might go with Bobby. Maybe I should’ve warned you. You too Dean._

Dean barely had time to register that the message from Cas was only a couple of minutes old before a second one came in.

_Cas: I am so sorry for the things I said back then. I was so cruel and you didn’t deserve it_

Dean sat in silence, staring at his phone. He thought about what Chuck had said. Was he still mad at Cas? He didn’t think so. He was pretty sure he’d forgiven him a long time ago. Still, it was nice to have an apology anyway. It made it easier to have good feelings—and good memories—for Cas. And he really wanted to.

Dean typed and erased several messages. He just didn’t know what to say. Saying all was forgiven just sounded weird, like Dean had been harboring anger this whole time, which he really hadn’t. Telling Cas it was cool or blowing it off as a long time ago seemed disingenuous, as if Dean had been unaffected, which he really, _really_ hadn’t been.

_Dean: It really hurt, but I understand. It was a hard time for everybody_

_Dean: I appreciate the apology tho_

_Cas: I hope the party went well. Wish I could’ve been there_

_Cas: Although it might have been awkward, meeting your girlfriend with the kale fetish_

Dean laughed out loud, then immediately turned toward the stairs, fearful of waking either Ben or Lisa, even though he frequently watched comedies while they were asleep. Guilt made a person feel paranoid, he guessed.

_Dean: Yeah, she’d be mad if you let something slip about it._

_Dean: “What kales on fetlife stays on fetlife, Dean!”_

_Cas: Lol I see. My lips are sealed when I meet her, I promise._

Dean didn’t have a rejoinder for that, and he knew it was better to put the phone down anyway. While he might be able to control those actions, however, it was impossible to keep the small smile off his face. Cas hadn’t changed much. He still had that amazing sense of humor. It was nice. Dean had missed Cas for more than one reason.

 

_Tuesday afternoon_

Dean was loading the dishwasher and running through a checklist of everything he needed to do before the camping trip he was taking Ben’s boy scout troop on that weekend. He’d forgotten about it completely until Lisa brought it up first thing Saturday morning, so he was behind on preparations, as well as on confessions.

“Hey, Dean?” Lisa called from the laundry room.

“Yeah?” He walked across the kitchen and peered in the door. “What’s up? I leave money in my jeans again?”

“No, but I think you need to head back to the grocery store today and get your money back.”

Dean frowned, head still lost tents and equipment. “Huh? What for?”

“They overcharged you for the kale. They’ve got ten bunches on here!” she said, holding up the crumpled receipt.

 _Fuck_. Dean had completely forgotten about the receipt. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He’d put it off because of the boy scout trip, but this was the universe telling him to nut up and he wasn’t going to ignore it.

“Yeah, um... that’s because that’s how much I bought.”

Lisa just looked at him in utter confusion. “Huh? That makes no sense. There were three bunches in the drawer when I went to make soup, Dean. Not ten.”

“Well, that’s how many were left after the... kale massacre.”

“Dean,” Lisa said, annoyed now. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Can we go sit down?”

Now she looked concerned, but she walked over and took a seat at the table without another word.

“Look, I was still processing it, and we had the party and then you reminded me about the camping thing... so that’s why I didn’t bring it up before, but... you remember Chuck from the party?”

“The guy that came with Bobby? Kind of.”

“Remember I told you he was my ex’s dad?” He cleared his throat as she nodded. “Yeah, well, I had actually seen his son two days before. At the grocery store.”

Lisa’s face was pinched between her brows. “Well, I’m a little annoyed you didn’t mention that sooner, but I still don’t understand the kale connection.”

“I was buying the kale when I saw him and it was super awkward and I ended up just grabbing a bunch of it so I could get out of there and by the time I realized how much I’d gotten, I was in the check out and he was there. Cas, I mean.”

Lisa stared at him for a long moment. “Which one was Cas again?”

“The last guy I dated.”

“The one who flipped out when you wouldn’t come out to your dad?”

Dean nodded.

“Does he know your dad died?”

“I don’t know. Not from me.”

Lisa chewed her lip and stared down at her fingers. “Do you still have feelings for him?” she asked quietly. “You do, don’t you?”

“Yeah. And, seeing him, Lisa, I don’t know if—”

“You’re not in love with me.” It was a statement and there was no surprise on her face. “That one I’ve known for a long time.”

“What?”

“Dean,” she said with a soft smile. “There’s no passion here. On either side. Things are easy and that’s what I was looking for. It was enough for me, but... I always wondered if it was for you. I love you, don’t get me wrong, but I know it’s not the storybook kind.”

“So what do we do now?”

“Well, if you plan to pursue something with this Cas guy—and I’m not sure you should after the way he treated you—then I guess you have to move out.” She sighed. “That’s going to suck.”

“How are you being so rational and calm about all of this?”

“Honestly? When I talked about this being enough for me... it used to be, but lately I’ve realized maybe it isn’t.” She gave him a rueful smile.

“Ben—”

“Is still going to be part of your life, so long as you both want him to be. I don’t want that to change. You and that kid love each other too much to separate you over something as stupid as a break up.” She sighed again. “Tell you what. Let’s wait until after the camping trip to tell Ben, huh? Give him a nice weekend first?”

“Tell me what?” Ben asked, strolling into the kitchen.

 

_Wednesday Morning_

Telling Ben had been hard and he'd initially been pissed at them both, but in the end, he'd come around to not being angry. The kid wasn't happy about it either, but Dean thought he'd be okay, once things settled into the new status quo.

Before that new status quo could take effect, though, Dean had to find a new place to live. He was scrolling want ads on his phone while he absently spooned cereal into his mouth. He was about to click on a listing when his phone chimed a new message.

_Cas: Are you free for lunch?_

Dean stared at his phone for a long time. Was this a bad idea? He hadn't even moved out yet. He knew Lisa probably wouldn't care, but it felt wrong to start anything. Still, it was just lunch and what could it hurt to have lunch with an old friend, right?

It could hurt a bunch more kale, not that that was a bad thing. Fuck kale, anyway.

_Dean: Sure. What'd you have in mind?_

He waited a full three minutes for a reply. When it finally came, it left Dean's heart racing.

_Cas: I'd like to apologize in person... or maybe that's just an excuse to see you again because I can't get you out of my head._

Before Dean had a chance to process what he was reading, his phone started ringing, and Cas's contact info popped up.

"Uh, hey—"

"Dean, I'm so sorry! That was totally inappropriate. You have a girlfriend, I know that. I was using voice to text and I thought it had stopped and when I tried to tell it to revise, it heard 'send' and I—"

"Whoa, Cas, take a breath. It's okay. Um. So, my girlfriend and I broke up. And...." Here, he hesitated, very unsure if he should be this open, but unable to stop himself in the end. "I can't stop thinking about you either."

"Oh." Cas's voice was quiet. "So, lunch?" he asked hopefully.

"Lunch sounds good. We could do take out? Go to the park? Give us more privacy that way."

"I'd like that," Cas said, and there was a smile in his voice.

They firmed up their plans and rang off. Dean sat for a minute, just trying to grasp what had just happened. He was having lunch with _Cas_ of all people. Cas who had broken his heart. Cas that he'd missed for years. Cas that had broken up his current relationship without even trying. Without warning, the memories of that last day rose and Dean sank into them, helpless.

 

_Just Shy of 8 Years Ago_

Dean was happy to have the day off. He'd been working nonstop for about two weeks, with only a day or two off in the three months before that. He was taking all the shifts he could, trying to add enough to his savings so that he and Cas could put the down payment on a place of their own.

He kinda loved their shitty little apartment, but it was too small and it wasn't truly _theirs_ , at least not as far as Cas was concerned. As far as Dean was concerned the place belonged to Cas from the moment he first stepped into it and filled it up with his presence, but Cas didn't see it that way.

So Dean had been secretly saving up so they could move into a place that they both picked. He'd done the math last night and he had enough. He was gonna tell Cas and he couldn't wait to see the look on his face.

Unfortunately, Cas did not have the day off, so Dean was stuck waiting until Cas got home to tell him the truth about his recent work schedule. He had considered doing it before Cas left for work, but he hadn't woken with Cas's alarm, so he'd missed the chance.

Dean cleaned the whole apartment and made a special dinner and mostly passed the time without worry. Cas was due home any minute now, though, and the longer it took, the more nervous Dean got. What if he didn't want to get a new place together? What if Dean had read it all wrong?

Then Cas walked through the door and the sight of him filled Dean with so much happiness that he swept his worries aside. This was right.

"Hey," Dean said with a big smile when Cas caught sight of him.

"Hi. You're actually home?" Cas frowned. "Did you choose to be off on a day when I had to work?"

He looked hurt and Dean rushed to reassure him.

"No! Of course not. I wanted to be off with you—and I will be actually on your next off day—but a few days ago, they needed me for a shift and I still didn't have it all."

Cas frowned harder, but it seemed more confused now than hurt. "Have all what?"

Dean took a deep breath and gave Cas a bright smile. "The money for a down payment on a new place. You're always saying how this place isn't really _ours_... So I wanted us to get a place that is."

"Oh. Oh, Dean. _That's_ why you've been working so much?" Cas sat heavily on the couch. "I thought...." His voice got small and high. "I thought you'd been avoiding me."

_Oh, shit. He'd fucked this all up._

"What? Cas, no. _No_. I wouldn't... why would you think that? Don't you know how happy I am with you? Man, if I haven't made that clear, I've really fucked up."

Cas gave him a tremulous smile. "Sorry. Just... Bart said something last week that had me worried, I don't know."

 _Bart_. Slimy little shit. Dean had never told Cas, but he loathed his new friend. He was beyond out and proud. He was out and arrogant and thought anyone who didn't have a rainbow tattooed on their ass wasn't gay enough and was hiding. The fact that Dean was bisexual made him turn up his nose. Obviously, according to him, Dean was trying to play both sides. He was infuriating.

"Look, I can't tell you who to be friends with, but Bart is kind of an asshole," Dean said, unable to hold it back anymore.

"No. I mean, I can see how he might come across that way sometimes—and believe me, his views on bisexuality are archaic and I've been working on that—but he's been through a lot and it's just a defense."

"Mm," Dean hummed, unconvinced.

Cas stood. "I'm sorry. I haven't even responded to what you said. Of _course_ I'd love to get a place with you. One we pick out together. I have some money to pitch in too. So it really will be ours. I do wish you'd told me beforehand."

Dean scratched his neck. "Sorry. I thought it would be a cool surprise, you know? Big romantic gesture."

Cas pulled him close for a kiss, smiling the whole time. The kiss was starting to lead somewhere good when Cas pulled back, grinning.

"We'll have time for this later. Right now, I smell lasagna and I'm starving."

Dean dragged him back for one more kiss before they moved into the kitchen. Dean served up lasagna and they huddle next to each other, trading pecks and making pans between bites. It was a blissful night... until it wasn't. In the middle of dessert, it all fell apart.

Cas looked up from a bite of blueberry pie. "God, I'm so happy right now. We'll have a big housewarming party when we move in. Invite everyone we know."

"Well, not _everyone_ ," Dean said with a laugh. "My dad sure as hell won't be there."

Cas frowned. "Surely, now that we're getting a place together you're going to tell him about us."

"Uh, Cas, me saving up some money didn't magically make my dad a better dude. No way am I telling him."

Cas had a look on his face that Dean had never seen there before. It took him a moment to realize it was disgust. Cas was disgusted with him. Dean's heart dropped into his stomach, then his stomach hit the floor.

"You tell me how important I am to you, but you won't come out all the way—"

"Cas, that's not fair! My dad—"

"Oh, spare me your excuses! You're ashamed of me, ashamed of yourself—"

"Cas, I'm not! I swear—"

"Ashamed of what we are, what we have together—or what I thought we had, anyway," Cas said with a sniff and a haughty look.

"Cas, none of that is true. I'm not ashamed of any of that. Not at all. You _know_ why I can't tell my dad, dammit! You _know_."

Cas's smile was not kind. It was malicious and looked so alien on his face that Dean wanted to rear back from it.

"Oh, I know all right. It's like he always said: You're not a real man and you're _weak_!"

Dean could see the moment Cas realized just what he'd said, what he'd just done, but it was too late. Dean dropped his gaze, unable to look at Cas another second. His heart felt like a block of ice when he pointed at the door.

"Get out," he said quietly.

"Dean, I—" His voice was trembling.

Dean ignored him. "Get. _Out_." Dean didn't raise his voice any louder than the first time, but it was firmer and more final. "Pack a bag for tonight and go. You can get the rest of your things tomorrow while I'm at work." He took a deep breath and made eye contact again. "I'm not going to be with someone who treats me like my old man does and says things like that to me." He stood up and grabbed his keys from the counter. "Don't be here when I get back," he said, heading for the door.

 

_Now_

The memories weren't new. He wasn't shocked by them anymore. He tried not to think about them much, but they came back sometimes when he was down. They no longer had the same sting as they once had, and he no longer beat himself up for his part of how it had gone down. He had a feeling Cas had done the same all these years.

He showered in a fog and got dressed, not worried for once about how he might look. He just grabbed his favorite T-shirt and jeans and headed out. The drive to the park was quick. Cas was picking up the food, so Dean could just meet him in the parking lot. Dean pulled up and turned off the engine, suddenly more nervous than he'd been since seeing Cas in the grocery store a few days before.

A car pulled up beside him and Dean knew without looking that it was Cas. He could feel him even from this distance, through all the metal. It was ridiculous, but it was true. His heart pounded as he got out of the car, still not looking in Cas's direction.

"Hello," Cas said, softly, as Dean stepped around the hood of his car.

Cas was standing beside the driver door with a white plastic bag in one hand and his keys in the other. Dean took a moment to look him over. Cas was older, maybe a few pounds heavier, but otherwise mostly unchanged. It didn't seem possible that he hadn't changed more in their time apart. Dean felt like he himself had aged on warp speed since he last saw Cas, while Cas looked mostly the same.

"Hey, Cas. Thanks for grabbing the subs," Dean said. He motioned at the bag, immediately feeling like an idiot.

"It was on the way, like I said. Shall we find somewhere to sit?"

"Yeah. I, uh, I think that bench is still near the pond, if you wanna try there."

Dean's breathing was shallow, and his ears were ringing. This felt like either a date in high school or his own execution and he wasn't sure which would be worse at this point: having a crush on the man who crushed him or being taken out, so he didn't have to feel all this.

After what seemed like far too long, the bench came into view, blessedly unoccupied. It was slightly farther from the water than Dean remembered, but it was still under the same pretty willow tree Dean remembered so well and so fondly. He hadn't been here in years, but there was a time he came here almost every day.

"Do you think our initials are still there?" Cas asked as they reached the bench.

Dean huffed a laugh he didn't feel. "I doubt it. It's been a long time. Some other kid probably carved over them by now, don't you think?"

Cas hummed, but said nothing, sitting down and placing the bag to his right with a space beyond it left for Dean to sit, as if using the food to create a buffer between. Dean watched as Cas pulled a sandwich out of the bag and read the side, setting it in his own lap. He started to reach back in and then looked up at Dean.

"Are you going to sit?" He looked worried, like Dean might run off.

"Uh, yeah, sorry. Nervous, I guess," he admitted.

Cas gave him a soft smile, his shoulders relaxing slightly. "Me too. At least all you've got to do is sit through my apology and not give your own, right?"

Dean sat, removing his sandwich from the bag without waiting for Cas to do it. There were bottles of water in there too and Dean pulled them both out, handing one off to Cas.

"Thank you." Cas started to bite his sandwich and then sighed. "Part of me wants to eat first, talk after, but honestly, I don't know if I can eat until I've said what I need to say."

Dean started to answer, but his stomach growled loudly. His laugh this time was genuine. "How about you talk, I eat? Maybe if I'm focused on the food, that'll make it easier for you, huh?" He took a bite of his sandwich and made a small sound of appreciation. He really was hungry.

"Okay," Cas said, then blew out a breath. "I guess I need to start before that last day. Back then, did I ever tell you what coming out was like for me? I mean, I know I told you it hadn't gone exactly well, but I don't know if I told you specifics."

In the middle of chewing, Dean shook his head in the negative. Cas had only ever said that he was estranged from his mother because of it. That was the extent of what he'd told Dean. Chuck obviously didn't care at all, but the situation with Cas's mother was an unknown.

"I probably hid this from you, but my parents were still together when I came out." He took and released another deep breath. "My sexuality, while not the sole cause, was the ultimate catalyst for my parents' divorce."

Dean nearly dropped his sandwich, the last bite of which sat in his throat like lead. "What?"

Cas laughed, and it wasn't as bitter as Dean might have expected, but the bitterness was there. "My mother disowned me immediately when I told her I was gay. No discussion. No bargaining. She just said, 'You're no longer my son. Please remove your belongings from my home,' and she got up and left the room. I didn't live there anymore, but I still had my childhood bedroom there."

"Oh, shit," Dean whispered.

"It wasn't good, no. But then my father turned to me and he said that he owned the house and it was my home as long as I wanted it to be. That he loved me just the same as he always had, and he'd speak with my mother." Cas unwrapped his sandwich but didn't start eating it. "Later that night, I heard her tell him he had to choose between us. I didn't want to hear more, so I covered my head with my pillow. When I got up the next morning, she was gone."

"Damn, Cas. I had no idea. No wonder my coming out to my dad was such a big deal to you."

Cas looked pained. "No, but don't you see? I would never have wanted anyone else to go through that. I knew your father. I knew he could be unpredictable. Violent, even. Your hesitance was perfectly reasonable...." Cas sighed heavily. "The thing was... Bart had been filling my head for weeks. Months, maybe. Digging at my insecurities. Exploiting all my tiny doubts about us. About my worthiness. About your commitment to me. I mean, my own mother left me—why would anyone else stay?"

" _Cas—_ " Dean said, voice cracking.

Cas held up a hand. "No. Let me finish. What I said to you that night was inexcusable. I had no right. I knew how much it would hurt you. I knew I was poking into a wound. Who does that to someone they love?" He sniffled. "I called you weak, but I was the coward. I was running scared. Bart kept going on, the way he always did, about how there was no reason for anyone not to be out, that everyone just had to deal with him as he was, whether that meant practically putting on a live porn show with his boyfriends in public or deliberately talking about 'cock' in front of families and little old ladies—"

"Bart fucking sucked, man. I never got what you saw in him."

"I'll be honest. I don't really know. I think I needed a friend and he needed someone to share his bullshit with." Cas finally bit into his sandwich, obviously chewing as a stalling measure. "He made me feel like you were hiding something, when you started working all the time. He planted all these doubts in my head. Insinuated that I wasn't enough to keep you interested because you were bi and therefore I'd never be enough. I didn't believe it on the bisexual front, but on the not being enough front? That I believed. He also made it sound like, if you weren't out to everyone, you were hiding because of your internalized homophobia."

"I shouldn't have made you leave," Dean blurted. "I should have yelled. Or made you stay somewhere else for a few days maybe. But I should never have kicked you out. I reacted purely on instinct. We should have talked it out."

Cas gave a small, sad smile. "We were so young, Dean. Neither of us had really had a relationship before. We were kids who came from shitty homes. What the hell did we know about healthy, adult conflict resolution?"

"Someone's been to therapy," Dean said with a smirk.

Cas gave his arm a playful shove. "Don't mock me."

"Who's mocking? I'm just saying, you sound like my counselor."

"You saw a counselor?" Cas asked, eyes going wide in surprise.

"Yep. When my dad died, I had a lot of unresolved feelings about my childhood that flooded up to the surface. No big surprise. Bobby told me there was a lady he'd talked to after his wife died and it really helped him, so I found the campus social worker and started going to sessions once a month." He took a bite of his forgotten sandwich, chewing slowly. "I spent almost as much time talking about you as my dad during the first couple hours," he admitted.

"I grew up around mental illness, so I wasn't averse to treatment like you used to be, but I'm ashamed to say it took another failed attempt at a relationship to get me there." He sighed. "Dean, you're the only man I've ever loved. I was scared. I lashed out. In probably close to the worst way possible. But I never stopped loving you. Whatever happens, I need you to know that. What I did was unbelievably cruel and I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Just like I will always love you." He sniffed. "I understand if you don't feel the same. I understand if you're still angry or want nothing to do with me."

Instead of answering, Dean asked, "Why did you stay away so long?"

Cas started tearing small pieces off of his bread. "I assumed you hated me. I couldn't take finding out. I was so scared of how you'd react if I reached out, or if we saw each other... I thought even if you weren't angry that you'd probably stopped loving me that day—or soon after. Honestly, I was going to leave you alone while I was here now. I only came back because of... did I tell you about my aunt?"

"Uh, no, but your dad did, actually. He said that was why you were here."

"Partly, yes. I'm on a short visit right now, but I'll be back permanently later. I wasn't going to come looking for you, for the reasons I mentioned. But then—"

"Then the fucking kale happened," Dean said with a soft laugh.

"God, it was so obvious you weren't happy to see me. I felt like your reaction just confirmed all my suspicions. So, I was going to walk away and stick to the plan, but... you dropped your phone. And when I spoke to you then, I could see that it wasn't anger or indifference you were feeling. So, I asked to exchange numbers. Because I hoped we could at least put the past behind us and maybe even be friends."

Dean quietly folded his sandwich and set it in the bag beside them. He took a deep, steadying breath. "Gonna be honest, Cas. Not really in the market for a new friend."

"O-oh. No, I understand. I get it. I wouldn't—"

"Don't think you do get it, Cas." Dean reached out and put a hand on Cas's arm when Cas tried to stand. "I never got over you either. And if you're moving back here, and you're willing, I'd really like for us to try dating again. Now that we've both had therapy and at least one more adult relationship each. Now that we've grown up into what I think are better people with stronger self-esteem. I'd like to try again and see what happens."

"You would?"

"Yeah, Cas. I really would."

Cas covered the hand that was touching his arm. "I'd really like that too, Dean."

Grinning, he reached down and grabbed Cas's sandwich, stealing a bite. He grimaced as a bitter taste filled his mouth.

"What the fuck is on this?" he asked, before spitting the bite into a napkin.

Cas smirked. "Serves you right for stealing my food. It's hummus with kale and—"

"Oh, fuck kale!"

Cas laughed at him and wrapped his sandwich before placing it in the bag next to Dean's. Watching those blue eyes crinkle with laughter, Dean's heart gave a little flutter. He shifted the food bag out of the way and slid toward Cas on the bench, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. As they sat and watched the water in silence for a while, Dean kept stealing glances at Cas, still having a hard time believing he was here. Remembering what had brought them to this moment, he reflected that maybe kale wasn't so bad after all*.

**Author's Note:**

> *Yes it is.
> 
> Schmoops to your faces. Hydrate. Take your meds. Eat something. Get some rest. I love you.
> 
> STORY REASON: I had a stormy breakup with a dark-haired, blue-eyed someone, long, long ago. His name is the same as a bitter green vegetable that Misha likes. We kinda had a second chance and he kinda fucked it up. One night I got kinda pissed about it and started writing this.
> 
> TALK TO MEEEEEEEEE!!!! ♥♥♥


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